CIRCA

Aldermaston 24th March 2008: We are the Bottom Inspecting Gaggle of the Brigade United Mondiale (BIG BUM) of CIRCA and our mission is to sniff out Stinky Bums. Nuclear Bums are extremely stinky and offensive (sic) and so are the Bums of the police who protect them. CND protesters Bums, by contrast, tend to be squeaky clean and smell of roses. It is our job to separate the Stinky Bums from the Sweet Cheeks! There is also the question of texture. Police tend to be hardasses while protesters buttocks are soft as a baby’s – er – bottom. As tailend-charlies, we have to put the squeeze on the hardasses and, unavoidably, fondle a few protesting posteriors into the bargain! For our mission, if we choose to accept it, each CIRCA BIG-BUMmer will need some or all of the following equipment: 

Toilet rolls, which may be worn bandolier style but which must not – repeat not – be thrown over the fence of the Aldermaston Base at any point; ‘Ban the Bum’ posters and CND symbols doctored to look like buttocks; Gas masks, pegs for noses…Imitation (?) pooh – plastic doggie dos or similar smell-like substances to pull from behind a putrid Plod. Apparently malt loaf can be readily formed into replica turds and eaten! Chocolate puddings…Sniffer-dogs (toy dogs on the end of sticks) or knowing-noses (noses on sticks) for getting around the backside of putrid PC Plod; Score cards with values from -9 to 9, as per Olympic events, to hold up when a Bum has been sniffed out; A stinkometer anyone, as per Peter Snow’s famous swingometer? Yellow Cards to warn a suspect Bum that a little personal hygiene would not go amiss and Red Cards for a Bum that is just so foul it merits an immediate sending off; Deodorant sprays containing rose-water or sweet scented air to puff at those pongy police butts. Maybe talc…Flowers to give to those found to have Sweet Cheeks; Toilet brushes should take the place of the conventional Clown duster for this operation and may be used direct on offending posteriors   

We must clean up the police and then the waste that is nuclear weapons, so let’s use our oh-so-vivid imaginations! But remember, you Clowns, it’s a toilet out there so let’s be flatulent, let’s be fetid, and let’s be having you! For logistical information on accommodation and transport, check out http://www.cnduk.org/aldermaston/ . Let’s meet at the Home Office Gate on Paices Hill (see http://www.easterncnduk.org/aldermaston/gatemap.php ) from 11am for a Karzy Council. Note that in an allied operations, Clowns will posse up with the Grimmer Reaper to deliver new improved nuclear death to Aldermaston…